It has been 6 months since I wrote my last post, and not quite 2 years since I started this blog, not quite 2 years since I walked away from the world of business. I don’t often pay attention to anniversaries, but recently I was talking to a friend who had experienced an anniversary, and she said she liked anniversaries (which I typically don’t), because they forced/created a space for a reflection on progress. So, a reflection…
Two years ago, I wrote about the power of intention-setting, about letting go of deeply ingrained ideas that both created the platform for life as I knew it and limited my life to life as I knew it, about the real fear I experienced as I worked through that letting go of some of those. I knew I wanted radical change, and I set off with a heading but no road map.
When I outright quit the last full-time job I had, I took a few days to go through a a workbook, a “dream book planner”, that asked me to set out all of my goals for the next year, 3 years, 5 years. The idea in the planner was then to break down each thing into achievable first steps, and get them on the calendar. Each week, each month, you would review what you had accomplished, and determine what the next set of achievable steps would be. I don’t really work well, like that. I’m just not that organized. So having gone through the exercise of writing out my goals for love, health, money, work, and fun, I put the planner in a stack of books and forgot about it.
About 3 months ago, I moved in with my partner, in Hillsborough. It was both an easy and complex decision – moving meant an hour commute each way to Raleigh to work, and it meant giving up a yoga class I had just started teaching and my monthly meditation group I was also teaching. But it was easy because my heart said clearly, YES. In the process of packing, I uncovered the dream book planner. It was not quite a year and half later, but every single one of my 1 year goals had either become part of my life, or were in the process of becoming. A few of my 3 year goals were in process, too. Intention is a powerful, powerful tool. And the universe is responsive.
When I moved, I knew I needed to set some new intentions. Driving to Raleigh and back is not the way I want to live my life; I believe in living with a small footprint, and I want to be engaged in the community where I live. I hoped to have a place and plan determined by mid summer, but I found the long, spread out days and driving usually left me too tired to have much energy to look forward. I didn’t know how to get started, what the first step should be… should I find someone to hire me? Should I start out on my own? And where? And how do I begin to meet people in such a way that I begin to build a clientele? And, having determined any of this, how would I also go about getting started teaching yoga and/or meditation again?
The universe is a beautiful energy. I went to look at a space that I had been eyeing on the main drag in downtown Hillsborough, and I was so excited about it. On entry, I was much less excited, and I knew it wasn’t for me. But driving home, I passed another space that had, in the previous day or two, put up a For Rent sign. I called, I looked, and it was love at first sight. Well, it was “Oh my god this space will let me do everything I want to do, and I can manage to afford it” at first sight. You know, love. Business love.
Creating an environment offering yoga and complimentary body-centric therapies was on my 20-40 year plan, which was not in writing, except in my heart. It wasn’t in my present reality. Until now.
So here I am, determining how to shape the time and space I have to offer. It is terrifying and beautiful and exhilarating. I’ve had long-term thoughts about boundaries, constrictions, and freedom, that have yet to make it into blog posts, but these thoughts are potent, when creation is at my hand and mine alone. If I want to create a space where people can create a connection to their bodies, and from that connection, a deeper connection to their individuated being, what boundaries do I create, to assist in that achievement? How do I balance the boundaries I want to create, that are so critical to safe exploration, with the lack of boundaries that I actually have in this process? What is healthful and deeply content-ful for both me and for others, what is in my dharma and current capacity?
What is my intention? Because that intention will shape what I offer, who finds me, who seeks me out, and what they find from the space I offer.
I don’t know that I had ever really considered my intention more than personal. Even “Make me a channel of healing and light”, which has been the prayer I have offered before starting a session with each client for the last year, has been personal. Me and you, me and the one person.
My intention for more than one isn’t actually any different, except that I expect it will manifest differently, and I have no idea what that will look like. But I am excited to discover it, and perhaps even looking forward to a review, at the end of my first anniversary.